Squiffy sees it through!
The Squadron Leaders legendary temper had rattled the door of his office, and Squiffy beat a hasty retreat followed by “ By The Lord Harry!! I’ll see you are on Jankers for the rest of the war, you blithering maniac!!” and several thrown ashtrays.
“Crumbs, looks like old Featherprop got out of bed the wrong side this morning” thought Squiffy. He headed over to the Hangers where Sparky was polishing up his new Spitfire.
“What Ho, Sparks old trout!” said Squiffy to the Sergeant
“Hullo Squiffs, Good of you to pitch up!” grinned Sparksworth. “Now bend an ear, the form is this. Von Schnorbitz is hoppping mad. Seems your last Jape when you tipped custard over his new Emil was the last straw. He’s challenged you to a duel, mano-e-mano as they say. He’s going to meet you over the channel at noon tommorow”
“By Jove, the Cad!” sad Squiffy, well, that means we should get some pre-duel drinks in at the Flaps and Siren tonight”
“Rather”! exlaimed Sparky, “but the gen is that he’s taken Born Pilot skill and can now adjust his pitch. I’d keep on your toes old boy”
The following day proved bright and clear , as so often in those days of ninteen forty something. Squiffy lifted off from Tangmere and was soon over the Channel.
Von Schnorbitz spotted him and screwed his monacle in place “Ach So” He snarled “I did not expect Herr Squiffy to turn up, coward that he is…Zis time I shall be , how you say…putting the foot in the other shoe”
“What was that Leutnant”? said his base RT operator “Sounds like you are talking to yourself in a rather sterotyped German accent”.
Von Schnorbitz turned off the radio and opened the throttle on the Damiler Benz.
Squiffy was 3 levels above the German at Angels 11 and spotted him at 2 oclock low. The 109 at Speed 5, the Spitfire at Speed 4 .
Squiffy forgot that he had “Experten” skills and diddn’t ask for break direction. He assumed Schnorbitz would pull right and overshoot. He thus went for a Squiffy Special and kicked rudder, chopped the throttle and gentle right stick to SIDESLIP LEFT, expecting the Hun to appear in his sights.
Schnorbitz however was keeping his distance, he entered a ROLLING SISSORS and found himself with Squiffys now Speed 2 and Angels 8.
“GOTT MIT UNS!” cried Schnorbitz and thumbed the trigger, letting Squiffy have the bally lot.
The Nose mounted 20mm cannon smashed into Squiffs fuel tank, but the Self Sealing tanks did their job. Rolling a 1 for damage the cannon simply left holes and fuel leaking from Squiffs wings.
“I SAY!” cried Squiffy. “Thats not Cricket old sponge!”
“Ive been sold a duffer!” thought Squiffy and quickly checked his Airspeed. “Time to take this party downstairs”
He dropped his nose in a SHALLOW DIVE RIGHT TURN CLASS B, losing a total of 3 height for the turn but picking up a speed. At turns end he was Angels 5 Speed 3
Schnorbitz kept on the throttle and cranked into a LEVEL RIGHT TURN CLASS B, but with his faster speed he was starting to gain on Squiffs tail.
“HO HO HO Englander! I am the last laugh having!” he radioed through to the Briton.
Schnorbitz revved up to Speed 4 and still at Angels 8. He carried on his B CLASS LEVEL and again had success with avoiding the 109 2weathercocking” the slats.
Squiffy revved up to speed 4 and immediatly pulled a Half Loop leaving him at Angels 6 Speed 1 and climbing with the Jerry above. Both pilots hammered each other with snapshots in their head on game of chicken. Squiffys eyes goggled as a bullet smashed his compass to bits and his old crate was looking a tad ropey.
The Englander will turn into me…and I shall half loop thus putting him below me, I shall drop my pitch to level and his goose is cooked! Thought Fritz.
Squiffs had other plans. Although only at speed 1 he trusted his sturdy Merlin engine and hit a SIDESLIP RIGHT. This brought him to stalling speed, and he knew he would have to pile on the power next turn. He was rewarded though as the 109 entered his sights in a Trailing shot at point blank range. “DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA FRITZ”! cried Squiffy and his eight .303’s filled Schnorbitz’s vanity mirror.
Dealing 5 more damage the 109 fell apart in the air and span to earth. Schnorbitz howeled with rage. “VERDAMMT! HOW IZ ZIS POSSIBLE” he cursed and hit the silk. Rolling a 6, he drifted towards the drink.
“Hullo Girls!…Never fear! Squiffys back for tonights Dance” waved Squiffs as he came in on finals at Tangmere.
“Yet another bloody pranged up machine!!” glowered Featherprop…” There’s got to be a way to get him transfered……..”
But as the Spitfire clanked to a halt, Squiffs leaped out “Thats Number 4!” he grinned at Sparky. Paint it up for us old chap”
“Only just polished it!!” laughed Sparky, “You are a one, Squiffs”
